Personality Quiz:
Underage Drinking
You're at a party you heard about at school. Parents aren't
home and the alcohol is flowing. Everyone is drinking (underage), up to
this point, except you. Someone sees there's no beer in your hand.
He comes up to you and says, “Hey what's up? You're the
only one not drinking,” and thrusts a beer into your hand. So, you:
A. Take the beer, take a gulp and say,
“Thanks, I was just about to grab one,”
hoping you'll blend in.
B. Take the beer and hang onto it, hoping
no one notices that you're not drinking.
C. Say “No thanks. Beer's not
my thing,” and stay, hoping everything's cool.
D. Say “No thanks,” and leave
before something bad happens (the party gets busted).
Analysis:
A. If you didn't want the beer, you just compromised your
integrity – for what? So, they'll accept you? What else are
you going to do that you don't want to do so you'll blend in?
I know it's a tough situation, so ask yourself why you put yourself
there. As many people as there are there, there's a lot more who
aren't. If they would accept you without pressuring you to do something
that you don't want to do – that is illegal and potentially
harmful – then why take the beer?
B. A little better, but you're still trying to sell yourself
as something you're not. It is a lie. And I can just see you sweating
already. You don't want the beer, but you have the beer. You're
hoping they won't notice you not drinking but they might. So what
do you do then? Is the anxiety worth it? I don't think so. If you
begin to believe now that you have to “party” to have fun, it
may take a long time before you realize that it just isn't true.
C. Much better, but you still have some problems. You've been
honest, so whatever acceptance you get will be more real. But being there
is still illegal. If they get busted, you get busted, even if you're
not drinking. It may be “No thanks” to beer now, but what else
may be coming? Obviously, what's legal and what isn't doesn't
matter at this party -- so it would be foolish to think that beer's
the only drug there. Praise God for standing your ground, but you're
not done yet.
D. Even better, but look around you. Something bad is already happening.
You know that people you may care for are already breaking the law. How
many of those drinking are doing your first option of responses and don't
want to drink either. They just want to fit in. They don't believe
they can have fun without doing it. You may know they're wrong, but
they've been convinced otherwise.
I
know it's a tough situation for a lot of reasons.
Sometimes, you want to fit in with the group there for reasons other then
the parties, and you feel this is the only way you can. You may have left
this time, but eventually you will give in. An old phrase for this is
“the near occasion of sin.” It means placing ourselves in a
situation where temptation is strong and we're more likely to give
in. If we have placed ourselves there, we have already crossed the line.
If we're serious about doing right, then we don't risk doing
wrong.
Good intentions
Perhaps you're the designated driver so your friends don't have
to risk their lives to go home. Is there another way to do this? Many
parents have an agreement with their kids to call them if they need a
ride home in that situation. I know it's not the same, and many won't
call because their parents will still know they were drinking. But the
reality is that if they come home drunk, most parents will know anyway.
This is a tough one, because if this is honestly your reason for being
there, it is righteous but also dangerous. I have a suggestion. Please
hear me out.
Sit down and talk to your parents. I still say you shouldn't be at
the party. There's too much risk legally and too much temptation
to give in. Helping kids get home safely is worthwhile. If you and your
parents can come up with a way to help drunken kids get home, great --
but it has to be honest. That means their parents must know. Up front,
your friends won't like this. In the long run they may thank you.
It's tough.
The need to belong
I think the bottom line is, who are your friends? Are your friends people
who share your values and beliefs, and a lifestyle that flows from these
two things and your other interests? If you find that you can become a
group then others can come to you and not feel the pressure they feel
from others. It's not just alcohol. Most teens who start drinking
are doing it to be part of a group. There are other factors too numerous
for this short article. Let's just stick with the needs to belong
and to have fun.
Belonging is a human need. We are social beings made to be in relationship
with others, including God. Jesus said, “I have come that you may
have joy and your joy would be complete.”
If you haven't plugged into a youth ministry program, that has fun
as well as grows in faith then do it. Again, you will gain a lot of relief
and satisfaction by seeking out friends with whom you have interests and
values in common. And be real with your parents, too. If all your relationships
can only be healthy if you are your real self then be real with them,
too.
It isn't easy
Please know that I know this isn't easy. Jesus said to ‘be in
the world but not of the world.' When we see our friends slipping
it's hard to know how to help. You start by keeping yourself strong
so they can have someone to turn to.
Thank you for all the times you kept the faith and lived it well. Know
that God forgives you for the times you fall. Ask for that forgiveness
and be real with your relationship with God, friends and parents.
Love in Jesus,
Pat Rinker
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