How do you respond to something tragic?
My father died when I was 12 years old. He had been home the last few years of his life and we were very close. When he died it was very difficult. The whole family was present and it was very sudden. How would you respond to something so tragic:
A. Allow your emotions to flow honestly.
B. Share your grief with others who share your faith and sorrow.
C. Pray, seeking comfort in your faith and in God’s presence.
D. Keep to yourself -- afraid to deal with the pain.
Analysis:
A, B and C all have obvious benefits, but my journey did not go in that direction.
When
my father died I froze inside. As emotional as I was as a child, I could
not cry. During the funeral and afterwards, I couldn’t cry. At first
I was ashamed and then I was angry. While at the funeral home one time,
something happened that cause me to laugh. I was so embarrassed by what
I felt was inappropriate emotions for the time that I pretended I was crying
and walked out of the funeral home. A relative, thinking that I was crying,
consoled me as I walked out. In the weeks following I began to talk to God at night in a more personal way. At first I would tell him how angry I was because I couldn’t cry for my father. After a while that subsided. I would pray at night by saying “Hello” to God and then asking if I could talk to my dad. I waited, as if I heard him say, “Yes,” and then shared my day with my dad. I would say “Good night,” and then thank God for letting me talk to dad.
As the next few years went by I remained emotionally non-expressive. Beginning my junior year in high school I began going to a youth ministry program that eventually led to my going to camp. While at camp I made a personal commitment to give my life to Christ. Others prayed for me and others who had stood and professed that commitment. As they prayed I felt a warmth start at my feet and move up to my face. When that happened, tears began to flow. It was like God saying, “Pat, I love you and you’re whole again.” I came home so filled with God’s Spirit that I never stopped. I remained faithful to Him and my whole life since has been changed dramatically -- including being emotionally whole.
I’ve had many experiences since that have helped me in cherishing my father’s memory, sharing my love for him with my family and living for Christ. In one parable Jesus says that first the seed must fall to the grown before it can sprout and have new life. It seems that it is through the difficult times that we grow the most. We call it the Paschal Mystery. We go through life experiencing loss at times. It could be the death of a friend or family member. It could be the lost of friendship because we or someone else moved -- and we have to start all over. At first it’s difficult, but we can grow through it. We can pass through sorrow into life.
We have a choice here to go it alone or walk with others. Sharing our feelings with those who share our sorrows and our faith enables us to work through those feelings with the support of those we love. Going to prayer helps us remember that God is with us through it all. The prophet Isaiah says that God will never forget us. He has written our names in the palm of His hand. (cf. Isaiah 49:15,16)
I don’t know why I couldn’t or didn’t do that at first -- but eventually I did. It took opening my heart to God’s Spirit for me to able to whole again. “Blessed are those that mourn for they shall be consoled” (Matthew 5:4) We are never alone even in our greatest sorrow for He has written our names on the palm of His hand. Peace!
Love in Jesus,
Pat Rinker
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