I have thrown a ball though a window and glass shatters every where. How do I know that the glass is broken?
A. I ask my friends
what they think. Whatever most of them think, I'll go with.
B. I'll take off
my shoes and walk on the glass. If I get cut, then I'll realize it's broken.
C. Observing the
obvious, I clean up the glass and get help fixing the broken window.
D. You're probably
wondering where I'm going with this.
Analysis
A. Popular opinion does not alter reality. If something
is true it's true regardless of popular opinion.
B. Why cause injury to youself when the results
of the shattered glass are all around you to see?
C. In this case it is obvious -- so doing what
you can and getting help seems to be the only logical response.
D. If you have decided that my mind works on a
different wave-length, then keep reading. There was no set theme for this
month's issue of FAITHteen, so it was suggested that I respond to teens'
questions about sex. Knowing what has already been said, I thought and
thought, and what came to mind was this:
First, I am sorry that we, the generation that preceded you broke this
window and didn't fix it. Beginning in the 60s, a misdirected generation
separated sex from love and so the "sexual revolution" began.
They called it "free love" -- but guess what. Love isn't free.
It comes from the Greek word agape and means to give freely.
It's an act of sacrifice for the benefit of another person. By its very
definition it always comes with a price. Read 1 Corinthians 13. It's awesome.
So, we devalued the meaning of love and sex at the same time and now there is broken glass everywhere. Abortions in the millions, single mothers, sometimes with several children and more often than not, no father to help raise and love those children. Praise God for those who stick around. Praise God for the mothers that let the children live. Praise God for the families that helped them through it so that the children would know God and know love in this world.
Now
that you know what shattered glass and broken window of which I speak
let's do our choices again.
A guy says to me, after dating a few times, that if I really loved him then I would have sex with him. What should I do?
A. What my friends think does matter - so does this guy - but
there is a such thing as truth and love is not something we can redefine
to justify giving in to selfish desires. So I say, "If you really
loved me, you wouldn't use me and force me to do something I don't want
to do."
B. Looking at the broken glass of abortion, teen parenthood, broken
hearts, betrayed trust and lost innocence, I say no to his pressure and
go home before my 'glass' gets broken.
C. Now that I've avoided the broken glass, I get help in order
to help me keep my window clear. I need the support of friends who truly
believe in love for what it really is. I need the support of a Christian
community to help me better understand God, who is love, and how living
my life is an expression of my belief in God.
D. You're probably still scratching your head wondering how my
mind got here. Don't try. The scariest thing would be if you figured me
out. Allow me to finish talking about two other words in Greek that define
love.
Philia is the word for friendship. It is used in John 15 and again in John 22. Eros is romantic love. Both are good. Friendship and romance are a part of our lives and for both to be consistent with truth they should always be imbued with agape. True friendship and true romance can never be selfish. And the beauty of God's intentions is that eros, philia and agape would be culminated in the act of married love, the sealing of your marriage with someone whom you would love like no other.
Again, I apologize for the broken glass that a previous generation left for you. Recognize the broken glass for what it is. Don't walk in it, but clean it up by the way you live your life, faithful to God who is love. Peace!
By Pat Rinker,
Director of Youth Ministry, Diocese of Lansing
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