How do you balance fitting in with others and being yourself?
When people feel uncomfortable being with you because you are different, you:
A act the way they act so you can blend in.
B have nothing to do with them, since they reject
you.
C be yourself and not worry what they think.
D be yourself, but listen and get to know their
needs.
Analysis
A. When we change to blend in we're living a lie
and it's difficult to keep the lie going. Accepting who we are not can
lead to worse rejection later and we know we still have not been accepted.
B. When you become what you don't like then you
end up not liking yourself. We can't be content if we aren't true to ourselves.
C. Good step in being yourself but we're not there
yet. If we remain self focused we can shield others out and still miss
out on meaningful friendships.
D. In order to have a friend we need to be a friend.
St. Paul writes, "Do nothing from selfishness or conceit, but in
humility count others better than yourselves. Let each of you look not
only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this
mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus" (Phil 2:3-5).
Be real, listen and be the friend you want for yourself.
Amy
was a high school teen on our diocesan core group. Amy was well acquainted
with suffering since she has had a rare form of cancer. At the time she
joined our group she had recently gone into remission. Treatment had been
successful and she was returning to a full teen life. She had been involved
in much volunteer work over the last few years and I remember her application
for our Core group was awesome.
While at an overnight Core group meeting she had me read a witness talk
she was to give to a group of teens. She wanted to see what I thought.
In it she shared her journey and her struggle with cancer. What struck
me was the positive attitude she had now. What also struck me was that
the struggle she went through was more then just with the cancer. She
also struggled with the need to be accepted and included with her peers.
This suffering led to eventually switching schools and finding a group
of young people that welcomed her. She developed meaningful friendships
and they in turned were inspired by her faith and journey.
Amy's story reminds me of our need for acceptance and purpose. When we feel rejection or lack of sense of purpose, "Why am I here?", we suffer. In our teen years this can sometimes be the greatest suffering. So what do I do when a feel like I have no friends? There are many ways we suffer. Sometimes we won't know why and it is difficult to learn to trust God. At times like that I ask myself, "If I'm going to suffer do I want to suffer without God or with God as my near by friend?" That passage I quoted from St. Paul's letter to the Phillipians goes on to explain how Jesus became like us in every way. Hebrews says he was like us in every way but sin. He suffered like us and even died like us. In whatever we suffer we have a friend in Jesus who suffers with us and leads through it to joy. He suffered rejection of friendship in Peter, betrayal in Judas, abandonment from most of the rest of his friends yet he stuck it out for them and he is here for us. He's here in each other. He's here in the sacraments. He's here in the Scriptures. We're reminded of Him in the beauty of creation.
In whatever you suffer - whether it's illness, lack of friendship or
lack of purpose - turn to Christ who gives purpose to our lives and loves
us for who we are. Peace! 
By Pat Rinker
Director of Youth Ministry, Diocese of Lansing
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