Look ahead to the possibility of being
married. As you approach your wedding night, what would you want to say
to your spouse?
A. We’ve slept together several times, but we’ll
make this one special.
B. We’ve lived together for two years. This is
like a nice vacation.
C. I’ve slept with so many, but you are the best.
D. I have saved myself especially for you for my whole
life.
A.) The wedding night is a beautiful culminating moment of married
love. That night serves as a sign of the union celebrated that
day and beginning then will be fostered by your intimacy with one another
based on God’s love. There is something so special about sharing
this new intimacy at the moment in which your married love is consummated
for the first time. This is lessened and cheapened when sexual union is
not reserved for marriage, which is the only place this sign of union
and total self-giving can be fully realized.
B.) Not only is the wedding night impacted by not being
as much of a special moment as it could be, but the traditional beginning
of a new home together with the sacramental love and union as a foundation
is diminished. You don’t build the foundation of the home after
the second floor is built. Courting, marriage in Christ, the coming together
of romantic love with God is the foundation upon which your life together
will be built from this point on.
C.)
In my mind, this is where the concept of cheapening sex comes in.
It should be disturbing to the person you will be spending the rest of
your life to know that the moment you are sharing with them has been shared
with more people then you can imagine. How can you trust? How can you
know that they won’t play the field again, since they’ve done
it for so long? How special can this moment be?
D.) At a class in the master’s program I was in,
we were asked to think of a beautiful moment. The first moment that came
to mind was my wife on our wedding night. This was 10 years after our
wedding and it was the first thing that came to mind. Praise God! I was
able to present myself to my wife, having never given myself to any other.
I was able to come to that night having become one with her in the sacrament
of marriage. For us, there is no worry of our ability to remain faithful
from this point on, because we have been faithful up to this point. She
is my only and there will not be another. All of that comes together in
one holy and romantic moment. That is why we should not covet. That’s
why we should not commit adultery. Not because sex is wrong. For us who
are called to marriage, God wants us to embrace sexual union when its
greatest beauty and depth are realized.
Every sexual act that is outside of marriage takes the beauty
of God’s gift to us and diminishes it. That is why we are
to wait to share this love and life-giving action. From this union comes
life out of the fertile soil of committed love. Anything that brings risk
to this should be avoided. If we have a natural sexual desire for someone,
we must practice self-control and be careful not to put ourselves into
situations where we may act on that desire. The desire itself is God given.
Nurturing the desire when it cannot be fulfilled in a marriage relationship
is wrong. No one said it would be easy – but it is worth it. So,
we dress modestly, respect each person’s dignity and avoid tempting
situations all so that we are more able to present ourselves to the person
we will love for the rest of our lives as an unblemished gift to them.
What happens if I have already had sex with someone? Begin
today to save yourself for the person you will love and live with until
“death does you part.” Even beginning now is a gift of love
that you can celebrate on your wedding night. Peace!
Love in Jesus,
Pat Rinker
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