What's up with that?:
4 complaints about my parents
by Brandon Jubar
People can talk all they want about how much things have changed over
the years, but there are still plenty of elements of the parent/teen relationship
that remain virtually timeless. Complaints I hear today are the same ones
I heard ten years ago -- and the same ones I voiced ten years before that!
But there are four complaints in particular that truly stand out.
complaint #1: "My parents just don't understand."
What I meant was that my parents didn't agree with me. I think it's natural
for a person to assume that if someone else doesn't agree, that person
must not understand. After all, we don't purposely believe something that
makes no sense.
Obviously, that line of reasoning isn't necessarily true. People disagree
for plenty of valid reasons, and it usually has to do with their goals
being different. When my parents "didn't understand," it was
often because I wanted to do something that was fun but not necessarily
the safest or best thing for me.
When you find yourself making this complaint, stop to think about what
you really mean. If your parents truly have misunderstood, then take the
time to explain yourself clearly and calmly. If they simply disagree,
that's something completely different.
complaint #2: "My parents are mean to me."
What I was really saying was that my parents wouldn't let me do something
that I thought I should have a right to do. After all, I am a human being
-- and an American -- and I have rights!
Obviously, we never like it when we aren't allowed to do what we want.
Regardless of the reason, we feel like prisoners -- like we're trapped.
But even when my parents were angry with me, they never did things in
order to be cruel. They wanted me to be safe and responsible.
Unfortunately, this is not always the case. If your parents truly are
cruel to you, then you need to tell an adult whom you can trust.
complaint
#3: "My parents treat me like a kid."
What I meant was that I didn’t like it when my parents treated me
like I was not an adult -- even though it was true. After all, I had gone
through puberty, could drive myself around, and had plenty of responsibilities.
Obviously, that line of reasoning makes sense when you've never had more
responsibility than your current load. But now that I'm older and
a father, I just can't agree. Even considering the fact that teens today
are under a lot more stress than they were 20 years ago, they still have
a great deal to learn.
When you find yourself making this complaint, try to remember that we
are kids. We are our parents' children. And regardless of how big,
smart or worldly-wise we become, nothing can change that. Now, combine
that with the fact that it's natural to treat us like kids if we act childish,
and the picture becomes a bit clearer.
complaint #4: "My parents don't respect
my opinion."
Frankly, that's exactly what I meant, but it's still worth discussing.
It's true that some adults don't hold the opinion of a teenager in very
high regard. On the other hand, this type of respect is usually something
that must be earned.
Obviously, respecting someone as a human being is different than valuing
that individual's opinion. In my case, simply feeling "grown up"
didn't automatically make me an adult, nor should it by default have made
my opinion worthy of respect.
When you find yourself making this complaint, realize that although it
may take some time, you can earn your parents' respect by being mature
in your actions and avoiding childish ways.
You need perspective
No one can argue that being a teen today is not stressful. Likewise, it's
impossible to show that being a parent these days is any easier. The things
that weigh upon your parents' shoulders are numerous, and if you expect
them to ever see things from your point of view, you have to try to see
things from theirs.
No parent is perfect -- but that doesn't mean they're bad. It means they're
human. Knowing that, it should be easier for you to see things from a
different perspective. So start by examining your own motives, and then
try to put yourself in your parents' shoes. If you can manage to do that,
you may not have to complain anywhere near as much as I did!
Life Applications:
How well do you get along with your parents?
What do your parents do that makes you upset?
How can changing your perspective reduce the stress and tension in your
relationship with your parents?
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