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Reality Check:
Let’s say you’re the person at school that always gets picked on, left out or mocked. Every time you try and say something no one takes you seriously. In the Winter your hat is grabbed and thrown around the room. No matter what you wear, people either mock or you wonder what they’re thinking. You never get asked to do anything. If something goes wrong, you get blamed. You feel like your teachers think your trouble. What do you do?

A. Give up and mind your own business. Draw into your own world.
B. Find a group of people that, if you do some things you formerly did not want to do, they’ll accept you.
C. Let the rejection build up in you until you get angry and act on that anger.
D. Seek help from a caring adult, a teacher, counselor, youth minister or another adult you know and trust.

A. We are social beings. The fact the rejection bothers you and it drives you to withdraw bears this out. If you withdraw, that can lead to depression. We need each other. You need to reach out.

B. Will they be accepting you? Perhaps, but what if the things you did not want to do are harmful to you? I’ve honestly seen very good young people turn to the drug crowd because they feel they’re the only group that will accept them. I wonder how many others in that group are there for the same reason. I’ve been around long enough to see that lead to ruin in people’s lives. We who claim to live for Christ, by not accepting all, can often drive people into any group that will accept them.

Acceptance and popularity are not the same thing. Our acceptance may be from a small group of people. But, if they are true friends, then the acceptance will have a depth that will help us find peace. And keep praying. Experiencing the acceptance of our loving God give us a peace greater than we can understand.

C. Violence comes from anger. Anger comes from pain or fear. It could be fear of rejection, fear of pain or fear of something else. All around us, violence comes from displaced anger. We want peace, inner peace, peace among others. The Catholic bishops of our country said “If you want peace, fight for justice”. Without justice, fairness, acceptance, there is no peace. Not within and not among people. Don’t let your inner turmoil build up and turn to anger. Get help.

D. Sometimes we can be in so much turmoil that we just can’t see clearly. We need help. All the possibilities above are good in this choice. To all of them, add prayer. God does always accept us. And He accepts us for who we are for He is the one who made us. As you get back on the road to peace, those who are helping you can help you find acceptance from others who will accept you for who you are. Acceptance and popularity are not the same thing. Our acceptance may be from a small group of people. But, if they are true friends, then the acceptance will have a depth that will help us find peace. And keep praying. Experiencing the acceptance of our loving God give us a peace greater than we can understand.

“Dismiss all anxiety from your mind and present every need you have to God in every form of prayer and in petitions full of gratitude. Then God’s own peace, which is beyond all understanding, will stand guard over your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.” Phil 4:4-7

We can’t give what we don’t have. So when we have peace we need to look at what we learned to get here. Be accepting of others. That doesn’t mean doing something you feel is wrong to help them feel welcome. It means being yourself and accepting them as a friend. Draw them into your circle of friends. Help them to find acceptance from a group of teens living in Christ. With the acceptance of you and your friends, and with the example of finding peace in Christ, you will help others find peace. “Blessed be the Peacemakers for they shall be called children of God.” Matt 5:9

A final note for those of you that are in a youth ministry group in a parish or school. Consider this for discussion:

Look at examples of violence in our world. What fear or lack of justice was at the core of the violence. Out of what origin did people strike out in anger at others? How can the injustice or that of which they are afraid be addressed? Consider this question in light of Catholic Social Teaching. For information on Catholic Social Teaching check out http://www.usccb.org/sdwp/projects/socialteaching/

Peace!

Love in Jesus,
Pat Rinker

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