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In the Know with Fr. Joe

From Bishop Mengeling

From Anger to Forgiveness

"I'm sorry, Mama. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to make you cry. I'm cleanin' out my closet." - Eminem

The other day, as I was listening to the radio, I heard one of the latest songs released by Detroit's own Eminem. Now the first few times I hear a new song, I try to figure out the message. And the first time I heard this song, I was impressed because he was speaking out on his relationship with his mother. The song definitely caught my interest.

There is great emotion expressed in this song - one basic emotion Eminem is communicating through the lyrics. It is obvious that he is very angry.

As you listen to the song, he certainly makes a strong case against his mother. He tells us all of the reasons why he wants nothing to do with her. In essence, Eminem is creating a case to justify why he hates his own mother. Many of us understand his strong reaction when we judge the situation based on the lyrics he presents. How could a mother treat her child so poorly?

"Remember when Ronnie died and you said you wished it was me? Well, guess what, I'm dead to you as can be."

What a difficult thing to hear from your mother. These things his mother did when he was a child are terrible. She was taking drugs, saying mean and hurtful things to him. I'm sure he couldn't include all of the things she did to him, either. His life must have been very difficult, and we can all see why he's angry.

So is it a good song? Yes ... and No!

I think it is good for other people to hear about Eminem and his life, as long as it leads them to get help dealing with their own such difficulties. But think about how this song leaves the listener. After listening to this song you can walk away angry and hateful, with a sense of feeling justified for having such reactions.

"But put yourself in my position. Just try to envision witnessin' your Mama poppin' prescription pills in the kitchen."

The important thing that is missing from this song is the notion of forgiveness and the freedom that it can bring.

All of us have had bad things happen to us - though maybe not this bad - and yet we are challenged to not live a bitter life. For Christians, we know that forgiveness is important because it is something Jesus spoke of often. One of the things Jesus tells us is to not expect from God and others what we are unwilling to grant.

We are all capable of doing mean and nasty things, and chances are we will all be in need of forgiveness at some time or another. Does Eminem expect to be forgiven by God? If so, then he needs to think differently about how he forgives.

"Wrath and anger are hateful things, yet the sinner hugs them tight. Forgive your neighbor's injustice: then when you pray, your own sins will be forgiven." (Sirach 27: 30-32)

Many times, "forgive" and "forget" are two words that go together. But forgiving and forgetting are not always possible, and forgetting may not even be desirable. We must make sure that we learn from our experiences. Eminem might have good reason to not let his daughter be with his mother, yet we are challenged to forgive, move on, and see how life can be much freer.

" ... Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us!"

If we hold the grudges of life within us, then are we really free? Sometimes we are angry with others and they don't even know we are angry. Whenever we do this, we are granting others control over us. We avoid, ignore, and find further ways to give others command of our freedom.

Think about this! If we expend all of this energy and attention on someone else by not forgiving them, we take that energy away from those things that are truly important. In the case of Eminem, he could be taking his time and attention and spending it on his daughter, Hailie. By focusing us on all the wrong things, hate can ruin a good life.

" ... Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive? As many as seven times? Jesus answered,'I say to you, not seven times but seventy times seven." (Matthew 8: 21-22)

One of the things we must realize is that forgiveness is not automatically within us. The only way forgiveness is possible is with God's help. First, we must want to forgive. Then we need God to bless us with the ability to forgive.

Anger, if not addressed, can turn into mere venting, which is only worthwhile for a short time. In the end, it needs to lead to some sort of outcome. And what better place than to move us to forgiveness?

For Eminem, the ability to forgive his mother may still be a long way off, and is definitely not found in his songs. But whether you like him or not, his lyrics are a good reminder to us all: we cannot heal hatred and anger with more hatred and anger. We need God's love, and God's help, to move through the hatred and anger until we are finally able to forgive.

Life Applications:
Think of a time when someone hurt you. Have you forgiven the person?
Can you really "forget" about painful things? Why or why not?
What does it feel like to final resolve a conflict with someone and truly forgive?

by Dcn. Jim Corder